Q. "Recently, in New York City, a transit worker put a 'Black Power' sign up in his booth at the train station. He was asked to take it down by a White man. When he refused the man took a picture of it and then called the media which jumped on it. I have very mixed feelings about this but I want to hear what you think first. Do you think posting a 'Black Power' sign on Martin Luther King Day denotes racism? I can't speak for anywhere else but the phrase 'Black Power' in New York was developed by us for us. It had nothing to do with putting White people or anyone else down."
A. The key question here is: Would you feel happy and comfortable with someone who suddenly puts up a poster saying 'White Power'? If you wouldn't, then it is about mutual respect. Empowering phrases like 'Black Power' served a purpose IN THEIR OWN TIME. The problem with many Black people who might feel impotent about their life and progress is that they are not moving on in life, not evolving from one time or experience to another. They feel they have little to be joyful about so they still use tired old slogans, which exclude others; still live in the past and are seeking scapegoats for their situation, when times have moved on. They put emphasis on words, when something more tangible is needed to improve their life and perspective. We need to be more inclusive of others now, to stop the blame and take responsibility for ourselves. That's the only way to self-empowerment and true power. As to the sign being put up on Martin Luther King Day, it does the great man a disservice. Dr King did not preach division, or simply extolling ourselves. Far from it, he taught unity and co-existing together. Genuine equality, that was his dream. Not one person above another.
We cannot be demanding respect if we give none. We cannot want to be treated fairly if we are still being exclusive of others and unfair to them purely because of their colour. At the heart of respect is sensitivity. If we have none towards the feelings of others, how can we genuinely expect our sensitivities to be respected and appreciated? We do not gain self-esteem and power by putting others down, otherwise we too are dragged down by it. That phrase might have suited the past when we wished to make a point to racists and to encourage our self-belief in some awful situations. But it is quite inappropriate now, especially if we have White friends and colleagues and want to build bridges.
You are right that 'Black Power' emerged initially, from a sea of racism, as a great motivator to remind us of our talent and potential, but it is increasingly being used as a kind of superior one-upmanship against White peers. My question is, why do we STILL need to keep saying it? Aren't we convinced yet of our own power and worth? Power is subtle and pervasive. If we have to point it out, we haven't got it! Do we feel so inferior to others that we have to keep reminding ourself how 'powerful' we are, when no other culture behaves in that way? They simply get on with it and prove their worth in their creativity, innovation and their wealth. Meanwhile, we merely keep shouting words, yet living double standards in our behaviour. We are still calling each other 'niggas', our women 'hoes' and 'bitches, still using violence against one another at every turn, still being a nation of single mothers while our children are deprived of balanced parentage, and too many of our men are incarcerated in prison instead of educating themselves to take advantage of their revolutionary world and its opportunities.
Is that all the 'power' we can actually muster as a community?
Engaging in Positive Action
We develop esteem and genuine power through SELF-LOVE, high personal standards and kindness and compassion towards others. When we no longer feel the need to shout 'Black Power', to feel superior or treat others in a mean way to uplift ourself, we will be truly powerful. No one will have to tell us then. That's when we would have matured and evolved because we would have finally laid down the past and freed ourselves from its limiting and caustic effects.
We need to stop talking and start doing. Start engaging one another in positive action, in love instead of hate, because words are pointless without the actions to match. Then I might begin to believe that, collectively, we truly have 'Black Power'. We will not only be saying it then, but the quality of our life, the achievements within it, and the love we give out will be ample evidence of it. Oprah Winfrey has "Black Power" and it is not only about her money. Her influence is pervasive across American life - the universal reference point for making things happen. She makes people's careers just by engaging them. I regard myself as a very powerful Black woman too because I love who I am, I have no wish to be anyone else and am neither above nor beneath anyone. Being successful in my own small way, there is no place for blame in my vocabulary, only love. I sincerely believe I can make a difference to the lives of others, every single day, even with a simple smile. I don't need to shout about having 'Black Power'. I just prefer to demonstrate it in my actions. When you believe it, it becomes a natural part of your life. There is nothing further to prove, except to utilise the opportunities, the rewards and the enormous potential available.
In answer to your question, in my opinion, 'Black Power', would be deemed as racist now because it implies superiority over other colours and cultures. Regardless of its value to Black people, if a White person pointedly said similar in our presence, we would be offended. That does not improve understanding and tolerance or bring us any closer together. The last words go to Dr. King:
"Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it....Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend."
Showing posts with label violence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label violence. Show all posts
Friday, 6 August 2010
Wednesday, 15 October 2008
How Madonna and Guy Have Fallen Victim to The Greatest Cause of Stress in Life: Relationships
(photo: www.charlotteobserver.com)Madonna and Guy Ritchie have announced their divorce after much denial. The Daily Mirror gleefully claims to be ahead of the 'competition' in knowing that they were about to break up. But what is there to be smug about when any relationship breaks? The pain is probably even more because everything is played out on the public stage, robbing them of the privacy other members of the public take for granted. So the couple are likely to focus, initially, on how they are a perceived than on the real issues they need to sort out. There will now follow a severe time of stress for them, especially where young children are involved - and there are three in this case.
Stress affects everyone to some degree, but severe stress is a feeling of being unable to cope and is a reaction to excessive demands and pressures made upon the individual. It is most likely to be maintained by a feeling of personal rejection, insignificance and worthlessness. If it was an amicable mutual split, then the stress won't be too much.However, if one of them wanted the split more than the other, that's where the main problem will lie: dealing with that sense of rejection, and that could be pretty stressful. Stress robs you of your good looks, your disposition, your health, your youthfulness, and can even take your life. It is particularly unpleasant and harmful when pressures build up or are prolonged indefinitely; when we are unable to control the demands placed upon us, when we are constantly anxious, and when support is not there when we need it.
Most of the focus has been on reducing stress in the workplace. However, what has escaped everyone’s notice is the lethal level of stress caused by simply moving between relationships, especially where the desire for a break is not mutual, or where one is stuck in a relationship which makes one or both parties feel impotent, unhappy or simply miserable. These situations occur on a regular basis, often taken for granted as a necessary part of life, yet causing incalculable emotional damage in their wake.
Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
With many relationships lasting only between six months and a year, most people can expect some additional resulting trauma on at least three to four occasions in their lifetime. These are problems which most people try to avoid without ever quite succeeding, because the mere notion of expecting relationships to fail ensures that they do, in a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. Stress from a break-up is thus the worst kind of stress because it contains personal rejection, momentary insecurity and loss of status/esteem for at least one party, not to mention the financial costs which may be attached. Yet it has been underestimated in its effects and overlooked by government provisions.
When we feel rejected, controlled or unappreciated, everything else in our lives pales into insignificance because we lose our sense of belonging, joy and worth. This affects whatever we do until we feel better. Bereavement of any kind and moving house might come top of the list of any stress-inducing activities, but being stuck in an unwanted relationship, which affects at least 20 per cent of couples, or being momentarily rejected by a partner, should go right to the top of that list because of the ongoing consequences they have for everyone involved.
Madonna and Guy are going to need all the emotional support they can have over the next few months because being a celebrity does not make them immune from the effects of a break-up. In fact, that actually makes them more exposed to its consequences as they come under increasing scrutiny.
Tuesday, 8 July 2008
10 Things I Hate About the World We Live In
The things which annoy me tend to be those that rob us of our humanity, which do not build, but merely destroy, and which detach us from our world, like the following:
1. IGNORANCE...Lack of knowledge has the most debilitating impact on our world because, without knowledge, we are at a loss to develop our potential to fruition. Ignorance keeps behavior and appreciation of others at the most basic level and simply robs us of a life.
2. Lack of SELF-LOVE...This is the biggest cause of problems in relationships. People lacking in self-love tend to be selfish, insecure, self-absorbed because it really is only about them. Lacking self-love means that one also lacks the love to give to others, which then sets up a vicious cycle of emotional pain.
3. WAR...This is the most destructive force in our life, often destroying more than it builds, yet solving very little in the long run. War might be an awesome exhibition of violence and power but the negative consequences it has, the havoc it wreaks and the sheer destruction it entails leave huge questions about how appropriate war is for resolving anything between nations or peoples.
4. VIOLENCE...particularly between youths and gangs, is pernicious, especially when gangs engender a sense of belonging among the youth and teaches them how to behave. Like war, violence solves nothing except to rob both the perpetrator and the recipient of their lives, in one form or another.
5. POVERTY...A lack of money and other basic essentials of life rob us of the opportunities we could have to make that life more enriching. Poverty is lethal because of the other negative things which come out of it: the main ones being ignorance, loss of self-esteem, loss of hope and violence.
6. INJUSTICE...Any injustice anywhere encourages injustice everywhere. We lose or humanity when we put up with blatant inequality and injustice to others, especially when they are weak and vulnerable.
7. Lack of RESPECT...At the heart of respect is sensitivity and a loss of respect is so obvious in our world today, in the way we treat each other, our expectations of each other, imposing our views on others and the selfish way we tend to live detached from one another.
8. Misuse of POWER...Power corrupts when it is misused and, if nothing else, the invasion of Iraq has demonstrated the impact of misused power for selfish reasons; the devastating way it affects the lives of many innocent and unsuspecting people.
9. GREED..The world has more than enough to go round for everyone. Nothing is more unattractive than seeing people, no matter how much they have, chasing money or material things for their own sake, when so many others have so little.
10. Lack of COURTESY...My mother taught me that 'Courtesy costs nothing, give generously' and I have lived by it ever since. The lack of courtesy in human interaction is now so sad, when a simple smile, thank you, and compliment can truly make someone's day, yet cost nothing at all to give.
1. IGNORANCE...Lack of knowledge has the most debilitating impact on our world because, without knowledge, we are at a loss to develop our potential to fruition. Ignorance keeps behavior and appreciation of others at the most basic level and simply robs us of a life.
2. Lack of SELF-LOVE...This is the biggest cause of problems in relationships. People lacking in self-love tend to be selfish, insecure, self-absorbed because it really is only about them. Lacking self-love means that one also lacks the love to give to others, which then sets up a vicious cycle of emotional pain.
3. WAR...This is the most destructive force in our life, often destroying more than it builds, yet solving very little in the long run. War might be an awesome exhibition of violence and power but the negative consequences it has, the havoc it wreaks and the sheer destruction it entails leave huge questions about how appropriate war is for resolving anything between nations or peoples.
4. VIOLENCE...particularly between youths and gangs, is pernicious, especially when gangs engender a sense of belonging among the youth and teaches them how to behave. Like war, violence solves nothing except to rob both the perpetrator and the recipient of their lives, in one form or another.
5. POVERTY...A lack of money and other basic essentials of life rob us of the opportunities we could have to make that life more enriching. Poverty is lethal because of the other negative things which come out of it: the main ones being ignorance, loss of self-esteem, loss of hope and violence.
6. INJUSTICE...Any injustice anywhere encourages injustice everywhere. We lose or humanity when we put up with blatant inequality and injustice to others, especially when they are weak and vulnerable.
7. Lack of RESPECT...At the heart of respect is sensitivity and a loss of respect is so obvious in our world today, in the way we treat each other, our expectations of each other, imposing our views on others and the selfish way we tend to live detached from one another.
8. Misuse of POWER...Power corrupts when it is misused and, if nothing else, the invasion of Iraq has demonstrated the impact of misused power for selfish reasons; the devastating way it affects the lives of many innocent and unsuspecting people.
9. GREED..The world has more than enough to go round for everyone. Nothing is more unattractive than seeing people, no matter how much they have, chasing money or material things for their own sake, when so many others have so little.
10. Lack of COURTESY...My mother taught me that 'Courtesy costs nothing, give generously' and I have lived by it ever since. The lack of courtesy in human interaction is now so sad, when a simple smile, thank you, and compliment can truly make someone's day, yet cost nothing at all to give.
Sunday, 11 February 2007
Does Obama's Audacity Carry Lessons for Britain? (2)
(This is a comment on my article below on Barack Obama and my reply to it.)
Elaine, I agree with everything you have said. This article is on the ball. It also goes to show that you don't always have to marry outside of your community to be successful. To me that is the most salient point. While love is more important than race, the fact that he has chosen a Black woman to be his wife speaks volumes. A lesson that Black leaders in the UK need to embrace as opposed to scorn in the name of acceptance. Delroy Constantine-Simms
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my article, Delroy. It is appreciated.
While I see the point you are making, and thank you for making it, about Barack's choice of a wife, White members are 'his community' too. We cannot disown one half of his heritage to suit ourselves. Just because he looks more 'black' than 'white' does not mean he should just relate to the Black part of his life. He is both Black and White, and disowning the White part means disowning his dear mother! We seem to expect this kind of action from any mixed-heritage, successful person in our community. They are then put in an unenviable position of being treated negatively, as extraordinary beings on probation of 'acting Black', instead of ordinary humans with their own feelings. Yet we do not lay this extra emotional burden on White peers. They are not judged by their choice of mates. They are just left to prove themself.
I think it is time for us to leave such colour codes out of love. People fall in love for all sorts of reasons across personal, professional and geographical lines. Though he obviously gravitates towards a Black wife, with a White mother as a role model he could equally have settled for a White wife too. Would that have made him less of a passionate, caring human being to other Blacks? Would you have marked him down for that and treated him with less respect? Are we still feeling so inferior as a group that we can still regard any mixed partnership as a threat? I am speaking as the product of a White grandfather and the ex-wife of a Sikh. That has not made me any less conscious of being a Black woman in my world, neither has it tempted me to disown my very fair mother to show how 'black' I am!
Time to extricate ourselves from superficialities in the 21st century, Delroy, if we are going to fight the real battles of exclusion that we still face. We are too wrapped up in colour when we should bear it in mind, yes, but realise that colour is only one major part of our make up: the rest are gender, religion/beliefs, class, self-love and aspiration. In fact, self-love, aspiration and self-confidence are far more important in our life journey than colour because they have given us successes like Colin Powell, Condoleeza Rice, Denzel Washington, Halle Berry and, above all, Oprah Winfrey, the richest Black woman in the world. Her colour did her no favours, along with being the victim of violence and sexual abuse, but she rose above it to show that, no matter what colour you are, achievement, money and power speak far above that.
Main Reasons Behind Failure
The same absence of self-love, confidence and aspiration has incarcerated millions of Black brothers and sisters in prison. People who would rather blame their White peers for their current underachievement while they deal in drugs, rob, kill and maim, instead of raising their aspirations and getting an education to progress their life in a more self-fulfilling and self-empowering way. We love to show how 'black' we are at certain times but loathe ourselves at quiet moments- like our hair, our physical features, our luck - because years of slavery, repression, imposition, exclusion and confusion have robbed us of our identity and our soul. Our obsession with failure, blackness, and discrimination is what has kept us down. They have stopped us from seeing what is possible and blighted our success. We fail to see a balance in our life by always pointing out the negatives when they should also accompany the positives in some way.
People like you can change perceptions, Delroy, but you have to adopt a new approach for a new millennium. Not still harking back to the past and living there, judging everything on negative colour lines while the present rushes past us and denies us a future. Point out discrimination and grievance, by all means, but let's stop turning on our brothers/sisters and give them some slack. We cannot return to the past to change a single thing but we can learn from it in some way to make our present and future more glorious than anything before them. Barack Obama has done that. It is all about the present and the future for him.
But that choice is ours. Only by changing our way of seeing the world, those personal perceptions which harp on negativity and seek scapegoats, can we even begin to take advantage of the opportunities available, let alone fulfil our true potential.
Elaine, I agree with everything you have said. This article is on the ball. It also goes to show that you don't always have to marry outside of your community to be successful. To me that is the most salient point. While love is more important than race, the fact that he has chosen a Black woman to be his wife speaks volumes. A lesson that Black leaders in the UK need to embrace as opposed to scorn in the name of acceptance. Delroy Constantine-Simms
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my article, Delroy. It is appreciated.
While I see the point you are making, and thank you for making it, about Barack's choice of a wife, White members are 'his community' too. We cannot disown one half of his heritage to suit ourselves. Just because he looks more 'black' than 'white' does not mean he should just relate to the Black part of his life. He is both Black and White, and disowning the White part means disowning his dear mother! We seem to expect this kind of action from any mixed-heritage, successful person in our community. They are then put in an unenviable position of being treated negatively, as extraordinary beings on probation of 'acting Black', instead of ordinary humans with their own feelings. Yet we do not lay this extra emotional burden on White peers. They are not judged by their choice of mates. They are just left to prove themself.
I think it is time for us to leave such colour codes out of love. People fall in love for all sorts of reasons across personal, professional and geographical lines. Though he obviously gravitates towards a Black wife, with a White mother as a role model he could equally have settled for a White wife too. Would that have made him less of a passionate, caring human being to other Blacks? Would you have marked him down for that and treated him with less respect? Are we still feeling so inferior as a group that we can still regard any mixed partnership as a threat? I am speaking as the product of a White grandfather and the ex-wife of a Sikh. That has not made me any less conscious of being a Black woman in my world, neither has it tempted me to disown my very fair mother to show how 'black' I am!
Time to extricate ourselves from superficialities in the 21st century, Delroy, if we are going to fight the real battles of exclusion that we still face. We are too wrapped up in colour when we should bear it in mind, yes, but realise that colour is only one major part of our make up: the rest are gender, religion/beliefs, class, self-love and aspiration. In fact, self-love, aspiration and self-confidence are far more important in our life journey than colour because they have given us successes like Colin Powell, Condoleeza Rice, Denzel Washington, Halle Berry and, above all, Oprah Winfrey, the richest Black woman in the world. Her colour did her no favours, along with being the victim of violence and sexual abuse, but she rose above it to show that, no matter what colour you are, achievement, money and power speak far above that.
Main Reasons Behind Failure
The same absence of self-love, confidence and aspiration has incarcerated millions of Black brothers and sisters in prison. People who would rather blame their White peers for their current underachievement while they deal in drugs, rob, kill and maim, instead of raising their aspirations and getting an education to progress their life in a more self-fulfilling and self-empowering way. We love to show how 'black' we are at certain times but loathe ourselves at quiet moments- like our hair, our physical features, our luck - because years of slavery, repression, imposition, exclusion and confusion have robbed us of our identity and our soul. Our obsession with failure, blackness, and discrimination is what has kept us down. They have stopped us from seeing what is possible and blighted our success. We fail to see a balance in our life by always pointing out the negatives when they should also accompany the positives in some way.
People like you can change perceptions, Delroy, but you have to adopt a new approach for a new millennium. Not still harking back to the past and living there, judging everything on negative colour lines while the present rushes past us and denies us a future. Point out discrimination and grievance, by all means, but let's stop turning on our brothers/sisters and give them some slack. We cannot return to the past to change a single thing but we can learn from it in some way to make our present and future more glorious than anything before them. Barack Obama has done that. It is all about the present and the future for him.
But that choice is ours. Only by changing our way of seeing the world, those personal perceptions which harp on negativity and seek scapegoats, can we even begin to take advantage of the opportunities available, let alone fulfil our true potential.
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