Countdown to the Royal Wedding- Day 2: Why William and Kate's marriage should last much longer than the other Royals'

Soon after their engagement, in November last year, a bishop of the Anglican church, the Rt Rev. Pete Broadbent, Bishop of Willesden was censured by the Bishop of London, who oversees him, and asked to "withdraw from public ministry until further notice". Why? Because he likened the couple, on his Facebook page, to 'shallow celebrities' whose marriage would fall apart "after seven years". How he is so privy to the exact number of years the marriage would last, is anyone's guess. However, it got me thinking about the couple's fortchoming union and I thought I would pronounce on the issue, as a relationship guru, at least from a more expert base than the bishop's.

William and Kate are likely to have a very long marriage because of certain key factors which were not common to other Royals, or 'shallow celebrities'.

Prince William and Kate Middleton being interviewed.


1. Shared VALUES
Shared values lie at the heart of any relationship. Partnerships fail when the values become disparate, the couple see things differently and cherish different aspects of their lives. William and Kate got obviously on very well from the moment they met at St Andrews University because they clearly share certain key values - especially valuing communication and empathy for others. They place priority on the same kinds of activities which seem to matter to BOTH of them.

For example, during his gap year at University, William joined Raleigh International in southern Chile for 10 weeks, helping to improve the lives of the local community. He actually helped to 'construct walkways from log posts and taught English in local schools'. That would have had quite an impact on his perspectives. Six weeks after he left, Kate Middleton joined the group too. It seems that both choices of Raleigh International were entirely independent of each other. The fact that they both wanted to share in a similar experience relating to other people would form part of the glue to hold them together.

William chops wood for his community in Chile.

He also spent time on a dairy farm in the UK, where he was paid the measly sum of £3.20 ($5) per hour. Apparently, he has said he loved that experience the best, "rising before dawn to milk cows and performing mucky jobs" like everyone else. Kate herself wasn't raised on a farm, but she lives in a very quiet rural area, which seems to please William greatly, as he is always finding opportunities to spend time with her family. I would think that the couple's choice of living in Anglesey, a very remote rural area in wales, would have been a deliberate choice connected to that style of life.


2. Great CHEMISTRY
There are four main elements to chemistry: attraction, comfort, value and excitement. Attraction itself has three further elements: physical, emotional and intellectual. If we examine their chemistry carefully, it is very clear that the physical attraction between them is off the scale, they are clearly emotionally connected. They seem to have the same moods and body language and the intellectual connection would be awesome because of their shared University experience and the level of education they both had.

William and Kate chilling out.

They are obviously VERY comfortable with each other, as their constant smiles and body language demonstrate, they also value each other and show it (as their interviews indicate), they have an irreverent sense of humour, and they seem to enjoy great excitement in the company of each other. With this couple, one might be a Royal prince and the other a commoner but, take away the superficial title and you would have two ordinary people who are likely to be holding hands and hugging at every opportunity and who wouldn't be afraid of public displays of affection. One senses that they are holding back in their public treatment of each other to avoid undue attention from the media. But the chemistry is electric between them and that's what will hold them together for a long time. They truly love each other. This won't be a marriage for heirs and spares, but one of a deep bonding of mutual understanding. Not like his mother and father, Charles and Diana, where there was a clear division between his status and hers, a stiff formality of never ending protocol, which was reflected in the way he treated her.

William and Kate seem far more natural and warm in their affection that Charles and Diana.


3. Good COMMUNICATION
This couple are clearly in tune with one another. They seem most at ease together in every picture taken of them and they are always chatting together. They like communicating together and are articulate enough to appreciate what each other is saying and the meaning involved. William and Kate are truly at ease with each other. One gets the impression that if they have a disagreement they can sort it out together without things becoming negative. She is not in awe of him and he has a healthy respect for her, a good basis for mutual respect. Most importantly, they smile a lot, being very positive people who seem happy in their own skins. This should draw them closer together even more and be a source of comfort in the down times.

Eyes only for each other!


4. Shared ASPIRATIONS
One gets a sense that their expectations, objectives and aspirations are likely to be the same. No one spends over seven years in another's company without learning tons about them and without a deep understanding developing between them. By their behaviour since they met, they have been acting like a married couple in all but name. Mismatching expectations are the biggest killers of relationships. It seems that their expectations of each other are in full alignment with what matters to both of them. The interaction between them is so flowing and easy; nothing seems artificial or staged. It shows that, along with their values, they do share similar objectives which they can both be comfortable with, which could partly explain why Kate was keen for them to get on with it and tie the knot.


5. Genuine mutual RESPECT
The interviews of this couple show unmistakeably that they have great respect for each other. They clearly love one another, but they also value each other too, the essence of respect. You can hear it in their words, when they are talking about each other, the loving and admiring way they look at each other other, and in the way they support one another at every opportunity. There is complete alignment here between the couple. Contrast that to Charles and Diana, especially when she said she was in love with him, and he replied vaguely, 'Whatever love is'!

Altogether, the couple's clear attraction, confidence, easy communication, body language and mutual support suggest two people who know each other very well, who love each other very much, whose expectations are in alignment on a mutally supportive level and who, above all, have tremendous chemistry flowing between them. A firm foundation for a wonderful and long-lasting relationship.

A future king and queen of the United Kingdom.

FIVE KEYS TO GREATER HAPPINESS

We search for happiness each day, the elusive concept that takes a lifetime of exploring. We often think happiness comes through winning the lottery, through getting a big break, buying a house, a car, the latest fashionable item. But those provide only sporadic feelings of excitement. When the effects wear off, we are back to feeling gloomy, negative, downhearted or depressed. This is because happiness as a goal is not something we strive towards. It's not a tangible thing we can feel, nor is it something which comes to us when we work at it. That is why some of the poorest people are very happy because it is an indefinable quality we either have or we don't.

Happiness is a state of being. It is how we feel deep inside of us at any moment in time, not next year or tomorrow, but now, and each day after that. It does not depend on anything at all except the feeling about ourself to make us happy. Material things merely enhance it for a moment, but we give happiness life through 5 crucial things:
1. The love we feel for ourself.

2. The love we share with others

3. The gratitude we have for living and life itself. 

4. The contentment we feel in our abilities and achievement.

5. The self-belief we have that we can make things happen.

In a recent book, I feel Bad About My Neck, Nora Ephron, the writer, seems to regard the ageing neck with disgust. The gratitude for being alive with her unique neck, when many other people with 'beautiful' necks were very dead, was lost upon her. She still had LIFE. The majority of people in this world are unhappy simply because they do not like themselves. They spend their waking moments wishing they could be someone else, or they could change their nose, face, arms, body or hair. Many people loathe themselves. they hate to pass a mirror to see their reflection, dreading to hear themselves speak or to see themselves in a photo. They yearn for a perfect being to be represented in a perfect image, an unrealistic ideal which makes them feel continually inadequate. This means they can never be happy because two things emerge from their lack of self-love.


No Reinforcement or Affirmation

First, they cease to be appealing to others because no one can likes what they too reject. They might attract some people who have low esteem too, but as neither one is capable of offering positive support to the other, the attraction soon wanes because one person will either take too much or both will simply take from each other without giving anything back. Such a relationship will be short on reinforcement and affirmation and long on regrets and impossible expectations. So there will not be much of a love to share, mainly blame and discontentment. Unable to love themselves, they are unlikely to share love either because they cannot give away what they haven't got.

The second thing which will happen is that there will be little gratitude for anything in their life, or little contentment in themselves and their capabilities, because the focus will always be on what is missing and not what they are blessed with. There will be a constant desire for something else because of the basic dissatisfaction with themselves. Such people can never be satisfied. Everything will be perceived to be 'wrong' or 'not right'. The fact that they have life, limb, and faculties all working will be lost upon those who are unhappy with themselves. Happiness is never possible in such situations because if they cannot appreciate themselves it is difficult to appreciate and value others too.

In fact, when we are unhappy we are likely to put ourself down and readily believe that we are not as good as others; not up to standard and not as clever, etc. Somehow, no matter how beautiful and blessed we are, we lose confidence regarding our potential, so happiness consistently eludes us. Lacking the self-belief to get whatever we want, and to be whomever we wish, we waste our talents in anxiety and frustration, in wishing and yearning and in self deprecation. Often it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, one which is guaranteed to deny us the happiness we seek for a very long time.

Happiness is elusive only if we do not accept each day as given; only if we continue to seek what isn't really there while ignoring what is; only if we expect the worst; if we reject ourself and we take our world and loved ones for granted. Once we have those five qualities of loving, sharing, gratitude, contentment and self-belief, we won't ever have to seek happiness again because it would have settled quite snugly within us.

If I Could Change the World

1. I would create Love Academies where people are taught how to love themselves and others unconditionally. Love is the greatest force for good in our world and there is not nearly enough to go round just now. Most of our problems occur because of that lack of love, either for ourselves or for others. Many people don't know how to love, how to engage others into their orbit or how to be more appreciative of themselves. In these Love Academies everyone would learn the principles of love, great ways to love themselves, key ways to encourage the best from others and how to improve their interactive skills to bridge cultural barriers, to engender greater understanding, to be far more expressive about their needs and to feel pride and self-esteem in their person, culture and identity.

Once people have more love, hopefully, they will start looking outward instead of just for themselves. They would be encouraged to use that new positive perception to help others who are less fortunate. There would be no wars and much more dialogue. On a personal level, everyone would have to help and assist just ONE more person in their orbit. In that way, we would gradually eradicate poverty, suffering and misunderstandings without any one individual or group having to take those burdens on their shoulder.

For example, I might teach my neighbour to read, and that neighbour would teach her friend to type and that friend would teach someone else a skill, on and on in a productive chain. This would prevent only a few people having to carry the burden of change, yet nothing being too onerous for each person to do. In that way, every person can make a small difference which leads to massive global changes.

2. Everyone would have to start and end their day with a compliment to someone, a praise, a kind word, and genuine warmth; an appreciation for something they have done. Many people go through life never hearing anything positive, yet being criticised, undervalued and unappreciated instead. It would make a lot more people feel inclusive, it would remove the emphasis from our 'me' culture and place the focus outwards and it would empower an awful lot of people who enjoy little recognition just now. In that way, there would be more good works done as people feel inspired to behave differently.

Everything flows out of love and appreciation of others, and whatever we are blessed with. Make love, appreciation and respect, the foundation of life and everything else will slowly, but surely, fall into place - something like I am personally enjoying now, and it's awesome.

How would YOU change the world? :o)

Are people inherently good?

Yes, people are inherently good because they are programmed to react to love, the greatest influential force in their lives. They seek love, desire it, need it and lavish it on others because love connects them to others. When it is missing from their lives the effects can be catastrophic. Babies know no evil. It is the way they are brought up, the way they are valued, the way they are treated and the respect they get which turn those young toddlers from feel-good worthy children to angry, resentful deviants.

People simply react to how they are treated. The way they are valued dictates how they perceive themselves and their world and then they react accordingly. If it is a negative perception, then there will be the behaviour to match. Even the hardest hearted person will melt with kindness and love than with anything else. If they are greeted with criticism or rejection instead, they begin to question their worth, they lose stake in their environment and community and become unfeeling monsters, in some cases, wanting only to hurt and destroy. There is always a connection between a person's experience, especially in childhood, and how he/she comes to see the world they are in. They will either welcome their life and opportunities and make the most of them, or go off the rails to be vengeful or to get attention.

One of the most subtle things which change the nature of people are expectations. Many good people change over time trying to conform to expectations while others who were likely to be deviant have actually improved their lives because of the faith and trust placed in them and high expectations of them. So people are inherently good and, if we expect them to behave in a positive manner, we are likely to get that reaction than if we assume the worst of them, yet expect them to be behave differently. So long as they are loved, appreciated and valued, we will always get the best from them.

The Causes of Racism

Racism is pernicious, particularly hurtful to those on the receiving end, and is little understood. Its causes are not just social, neither can they be remedied in an instant. Racism goes much deeper than simple social factors and it stems, primarily, from the following four causes:

1. Instinctive reaction for species protection: It is the most natural thing in the world to gravitate towards our own kind, to recruit in our own image and likeness and to feel comfortable with people who outwardly look like us, reflect who we are and behave like us. We are all ingrained with a sense of self protection, especially of our culture, territory, family, the things we cherish and which form our identity. Racism comes out of a desire to protect all of that, as well as our roots and our species. Anything which isn't like us immediately becomes threatening and, where it is also perceived to be inferior, the prejudice towards it in order to protect our own becomes even more lethal and menacing.

2. Fear of loss and displacement: Seeking to protect our own kind means we fear any loss of what we already have and what makes us who we are: whether it's our jobs, our status, territory, possessions, personal significance and even our being. We fear being replaced by others, especially in a relationship, by anyone perceived to be much more appealing and desirable than we are. When that person is from another race, it simply confirms our unworthiness and adds insult to injury. Fear is the biggest cause of racism in our world, especially irrational fear of difference and loss, which tends to see any difference as both threatening and undeserving of what we regard as our right.

3. Ignorance: When we know better we can act better, especially if we have the confidence to put that knowledge into action. But what keeps racism going in a vicious circle is ignorance of the worst kind. If we grow up doing a particular thing, and everyone else around us does it too, we come to believe it is right, no mater how morally reprehensible it could be to another person who does not share our culture and outlook. We will not see anything wrong with our actions because those acts would be validated by everyone else like us. The only change will come through education and awareness of why those actions might not be appropriate, the consequences they carry for others as well as the alternatives that are available. Until people who know no better undergo an educative process around racism, ignorance will always keep racism thriving, especially among those who have no desire to act differently.

4. Lack of self love, feeling of unworthiness and desire to feel superior: The most racist people in our world tend to be the least confident, lacking in self esteem and, most of all, lacking in self love. They project all their negative feelings outward unto others, especially on to the most week and vulnerable. When we truly love ourself and appreciate who we are, we can appreciate how others feel and accommodate them more. We also have better understanding of others because we appreciate where we are coming from. Racism comes through a feeling of unworthiness, of being 'victimised', of lacking the opportunities others have, and of being a failure. Someone has to pay for such low feelings and self-perception. This means a need for scapegoats in order to feel superior and to exercise personal power over others. Racist people tend to feel insignificant, isolated, wronged and unloved and they remedy that feeling of exclusion by blaming someone else for it instead and seeking opportunities to exercise that prejudice and resentment.

That is why racism will always be difficult to eradicate because it is not a social act. It's an individual one. The causes of racism begin with the individual and can only be resolved by addressing the actions of individuals. It's individual people who behave in a racist manner which is then enhanced by the group and validated by institutions. That is why institutions often remain racist and discriminatory in approach for a long time unless the individuals within them are encouraged to act otherwise.

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"If you have no love or respect for yourself, how can you give any away?" - Elaine Sihera

10 Things I Hate About the World We Live In

The things which annoy me tend to be those that rob us of our humanity, which do not build, but merely destroy, and which detach us from our world, like the following:

1. IGNORANCE...Lack of knowledge has the most debilitating impact on our world because, without knowledge, we are at a loss to develop our potential to fruition. Ignorance keeps behavior and appreciation of others at the most basic level and simply robs us of a life.

2. Lack of SELF-LOVE...This is the biggest cause of problems in relationships. People lacking in self-love tend to be selfish, insecure, self-absorbed because it really is only about them. Lacking self-love means that one also lacks the love to give to others, which then sets up a vicious cycle of emotional pain.

3. WAR...This is the most destructive force in our life, often destroying more than it builds, yet solving very little in the long run. War might be an awesome exhibition of violence and power but the negative consequences it has, the havoc it wreaks and the sheer destruction it entails leave huge questions about how appropriate war is for resolving anything between nations or peoples.

4. VIOLENCE...particularly between youths and gangs, is pernicious, especially when gangs engender a sense of belonging among the youth and teaches them how to behave. Like war, violence solves nothing except to rob both the perpetrator and the recipient of their lives, in one form or another.

5. POVERTY...A lack of money and other basic essentials of life rob us of the opportunities we could have to make that life more enriching. Poverty is lethal because of the other negative things which come out of it: the main ones being ignorance, loss of self-esteem, loss of hope and violence.

6. INJUSTICE...Any injustice anywhere encourages injustice everywhere. We lose or humanity when we put up with blatant inequality and injustice to others, especially when they are weak and vulnerable.

7. Lack of RESPECT...At the heart of respect is sensitivity and a loss of respect is so obvious in our world today, in the way we treat each other, our expectations of each other, imposing our views on others and the selfish way we tend to live detached from one another.

8. Misuse of POWER...Power corrupts when it is misused and, if nothing else, the invasion of Iraq has demonstrated the impact of misused power for selfish reasons; the devastating way it affects the lives of many innocent and unsuspecting people.

9. GREED..The world has more than enough to go round for everyone. Nothing is more unattractive than seeing people, no matter how much they have, chasing money or material things for their own sake, when so many others have so little.

10. Lack of COURTESY...My mother taught me that 'Courtesy costs nothing, give generously' and I have lived by it ever since. The lack of courtesy in human interaction is now so sad, when a simple smile, thank you, and compliment can truly make someone's day, yet cost nothing at all to give.

A Light of Hope for Madeleine

A LIGHT FOR MADELEINE!



On Thursday 3 May 2007, little Madeleine McCann from the UK was taken from her bedroom, from her parents and her family while on holiday in the Algarve. As a mother myself, I am not sure what I would have done if my child suddenly vanished. It must be the most awful feeling of desolation and impotence, with not knowing being the hardest part. My heart goes out to Kate and Gerry McCann. I hope they find the courage to keep hoping for her return. This candle is my personal tribute and prayer for Madeleine to be found safely.
Love and Faith conquer all.

This candle will burn in hope until Madeliene is returned to her family. May she be protected from all harm by the ocean of love and prayers that surrounds her. Please feel free to leave comments of support. Thank You.

4 Key Reasons Why Barack Obama Will be The Next US President

On 11th February I wrote an appreciative blog on Barack Obama, the new presidential hopeful. Then I was in awe of the 'audacity' of this man from nowhere, much inspired by him and his dreams and I wondered whether his hopeful dash had anything to teach the UK. However, I concluded my blog with these words: "Much as I would like Barack Obama to become the next President, I do not think that he will, on this round. I think he should be Hillary Clinton's running mate and what an unstoppable team they would be - his charisma with her experience, not to mention the differing gender, race and personal ethos which would add extra appeal. He would at least dent her conservatism while gaining the necessary training to succeed after her.

Well, two months down the line, I take it ALL back! In my humble opinion Barack Obama will be the next President of the United States of America for the following reasons:

1. Grassroots Support: Barack is intent on being the People's President in a very clever move to distance himself from the big lobbyists and sectional interests which usually drain White House incumbents of their power. The fewer factions he has to answer to, both White and Black, when he gets into office the more his hands will be freed to carry out the kind of policies he wishes to introduce to change America and unite it, as he is promising. If his hands are not tied with great expectations from those with the power, he can embrace the masses more sincerely with more room for action.

He is quietly involving as many people as he can so that when he actually stands on those White House steps, the ordinary man in the street who donated his $5 can actually beam with pride and say, "I helped to get him there." And that's a powerful sense of inclusion Mrs Clinton hasn't yet realised, or learnt, in our YouTube and blogger age. People want to feel significant and valued and, with his website, of which I am a member, Barack Obama is doing just that, with regular information and encouragement to be part of his circle as well as a pioneer in the dramatic change afoot in America. It would be exciting times for those who have never been involved in the political process or got near a potential president. To know that their effort and involvement can actually make a difference would be a tremendous boost for their feeling of worth and value!

Big business and big money can help to get you into any public office in the USA, but it is the people who will keep you there. By encouraging his supporters to hold meetings in their houses and communicate with one another as much as possible – in essence, to be mini-campaign managers for spreading the word on his behalf to attract even more local attention – he is building a formidable base of public support because nothing succeeds like word of mouth. Soon this 100,000 flock, and the money he is likely to receive, will both dramatically expand as people realise he is now a very serious contender.



Shrewd Move
2. New Style. It is clear that Barack and his team are determined to do things very differently. Notice how they deliberately waited to announce their first quarter figures, well after the hullaballoo of the Clinton camp. They were in no rush to boast. That was a shrewd move because Clinton's aides completely underestimated him, believing that their money was so high as to overwhelm her rivals. But, not for the first time, has Barack snatched the initiative and the media attention in a dignified way, demonstrating that he is his own man, who is determined to do things his way, and a new way, and can take care of himself very well. Notice too that he has refrained from cosying up to people like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, though he has praised their role in making it all possible for him with their pioneering days. He is trying not align himself with specific factions in order to encourage a broader appeal. And that can only be good for both the country and his support base.

3. Time For a Big Change. The negative antics of President Bush has ensured that America has lost a lot of its power, credibility and respect, and is now ready for change. Not just a cosmetic one, but a dramatic change. In fact, watch the world's response to America once Barack is installed, at least in the first couple of years as he proves himself. His manner will be far less adversarial because he is a conciliator who speaks from love, not hate, and that is why people find it easy to warm to him. I knew I would see a Black president in my lifetime because the signs were always there. But I never believed one without too much experience and so young would be taking centre stage, which shows his maturity, sincerity and great competence at dealing with what he has to do.

4. Blind Spot. America has had a blind spot ever since Hillary has been campaigning. There was such a foregone conclusion about her ability to fundraise and fit the role of president that they left little room for any alternatives. No one could have predicted Barack Obama's presence and enormous success so far. Like the Google juggernaut, no one saw him coming. Being so preoccupied with all the other old contenders, they left little room for the new. Those who did spot him in the distance were perhaps ready to dismiss his chances because of his relative inexperience. But Google came out of nowhere to dominate the world with their new way of thinking, amazing innovations and fearless way of acting. Barack Obama, whom the rest of the world had barely heard of 6 months ago, seems to have begun his own journey towards global domination.

It is no longer a question of whether he will get into the White House. It is simply a matter of when, and the sooner the better. Anyone who can have such an impact on a huge country in such a short time has tremendous talent for leadership, which his supporters obviously desire. The only place for such a talent to do itself justice is right at the top, in America's historical White House, its main seat of power, from which it can lead and inspire.

Yippeee...I'm in love!!

I think I'm in love...I, who have never had any time for adverts of any kind, who believe they are pesky, interfering things I can easily do without, am in love with the latest adverts by Apple Mac. They are just brilliant. They are saturated everywhere, especially on MySpace. If nothing else, they are guaranteed to draw attention.

Apple Mac has hit upon the idea of using humans to represent PCs and Macs with awesome appeal! The latest adverts come in three different types depicting various problems with the PCs while the very 'cool' Mac maintains its lofty distance above it all. This is against a backdrop of very pleasing music. I find myself just repeatedly clicking on them, watching and smiling with smug pride. Perhaps it is because I have been a Mac user for over 15 years, never used a PC, so I know that Apple Mac is not just talking hot air. Its reliability and professionalism, not to mention support, is legend. The current G5 I am using is out of this world with efficiency, security and simplicity. It does NOT crash, there are NO viruses and the smooth integration with other stuff means that one does not have to be a nerdy geek or a technology boffin to understand or appreciate it fully!

I never thought I would LOVE to see an advert and would want to play it over and over again, but at this rate of watching them, I haven't had the time to write about them!! I have even compared the American versions with the British ones, which use Mitchell and Webb from Channel 4 TV's Peep Show, and we win hands down. Our adverts are so cooool and funny. The American ones try to be too clever, and are not half as entertaining. Their Mac guy might appeal to men but he does nothing for me. :o( I love the way the British Mac guy (Webb) is sooooo handsome too with the high drool factor!! Gosh, what smile and dimples! Yummmeeeee! I am sure their show on Channel 4 has had a record number of new watchers. I for one will certainly be watching them from now on, when I wasn't even aware of who they were before.

As I said, I am soooo in love in with those new ads! If Mac had paid for per click advertising with Google, I alone would have clicked out all their money just to keep seeing the adverts!! They make my mornings, big time. Now, who would have thought some simple adverts could do that? Must be because Valentine's day is almost here, there is no man in sight and love is in the air!

What did they say about simplicity? Keep it going Mac. Your computers are ace and you're definitely on to a winner! :o)