FIVE KEYS TO GREATER HAPPINESS

We search for happiness each day, the elusive concept that takes a lifetime of exploring. We often think happiness comes through winning the lottery, through getting a big break, buying a house, a car, the latest fashionable item. But those provide only sporadic feelings of excitement. When the effects wear off, we are back to feeling gloomy, negative, downhearted or depressed. This is because happiness as a goal is not something we strive towards. It's not a tangible thing we can feel, nor is it something which comes to us when we work at it. That is why some of the poorest people are very happy because it is an indefinable quality we either have or we don't.

Happiness is a state of being. It is how we feel deep inside of us at any moment in time, not next year or tomorrow, but now, and each day after that. It does not depend on anything at all except the feeling about ourself to make us happy. Material things merely enhance it for a moment, but we give happiness life through 5 crucial things:
1. The love we feel for ourself.

2. The love we share with others

3. The gratitude we have for living and life itself. 

4. The contentment we feel in our abilities and achievement.

5. The self-belief we have that we can make things happen.

In a recent book, I feel Bad About My Neck, Nora Ephron, the writer, seems to regard the ageing neck with disgust. The gratitude for being alive with her unique neck, when many other people with 'beautiful' necks were very dead, was lost upon her. She still had LIFE. The majority of people in this world are unhappy simply because they do not like themselves. They spend their waking moments wishing they could be someone else, or they could change their nose, face, arms, body or hair. Many people loathe themselves. they hate to pass a mirror to see their reflection, dreading to hear themselves speak or to see themselves in a photo. They yearn for a perfect being to be represented in a perfect image, an unrealistic ideal which makes them feel continually inadequate. This means they can never be happy because two things emerge from their lack of self-love.


No Reinforcement or Affirmation

First, they cease to be appealing to others because no one can likes what they too reject. They might attract some people who have low esteem too, but as neither one is capable of offering positive support to the other, the attraction soon wanes because one person will either take too much or both will simply take from each other without giving anything back. Such a relationship will be short on reinforcement and affirmation and long on regrets and impossible expectations. So there will not be much of a love to share, mainly blame and discontentment. Unable to love themselves, they are unlikely to share love either because they cannot give away what they haven't got.

The second thing which will happen is that there will be little gratitude for anything in their life, or little contentment in themselves and their capabilities, because the focus will always be on what is missing and not what they are blessed with. There will be a constant desire for something else because of the basic dissatisfaction with themselves. Such people can never be satisfied. Everything will be perceived to be 'wrong' or 'not right'. The fact that they have life, limb, and faculties all working will be lost upon those who are unhappy with themselves. Happiness is never possible in such situations because if they cannot appreciate themselves it is difficult to appreciate and value others too.

In fact, when we are unhappy we are likely to put ourself down and readily believe that we are not as good as others; not up to standard and not as clever, etc. Somehow, no matter how beautiful and blessed we are, we lose confidence regarding our potential, so happiness consistently eludes us. Lacking the self-belief to get whatever we want, and to be whomever we wish, we waste our talents in anxiety and frustration, in wishing and yearning and in self deprecation. Often it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, one which is guaranteed to deny us the happiness we seek for a very long time.

Happiness is elusive only if we do not accept each day as given; only if we continue to seek what isn't really there while ignoring what is; only if we expect the worst; if we reject ourself and we take our world and loved ones for granted. Once we have those five qualities of loving, sharing, gratitude, contentment and self-belief, we won't ever have to seek happiness again because it would have settled quite snugly within us.

Are Happy People Productive People?

Yes, happy people are far more productive people for a variety of good reasons, especially the following:

First, they feel good about themselves and their great self-esteem means less angst or worry about what is possible. They tend to feel less anxious about the consequences and so are more willing to at least try. Happy people are likely to be self motivated to do whatever they desire because they do not need anyone to motivate them to feel good. Being already happy, they are also likely to be far more positive and to appreciate their world and other people, which provide them with the resources to get what they want.

I am a very happy person, always with a big wide grin on my face, no matter what is happening to me, or how negative the situation. I have great self-belief in what I can accomplish and am highly self motivated every day, especially as I work for myself. I have the the self-discipline to attempt what I want to do and the end result is that I have tended to be a pioneer, always first to do something. I have achieved so much single-handedly, many others have been amazed at my capabilities and determination. Life is a joy to live, instead of having anything to be gloomy about it, so productivity sits easily with me.

When we are unhappy, life becomes a drudgery. We are less motivated to fulfil our desires because we lack the essential ingredient to make it happen: self belief and confidence. The end result is that we tend to do far less than our potential would allow because most of our time would be spent whingeing, feeling sorry for ourselves as victims, criticising, wishing and hoping rather than doing. Most of all, unhappy people tend to be riddled with fear, which keeps them paralysed in action, and yearning instead of doing.

A happy disposition is a productive one because, when life feels good, we want to reach for the skies. Being happy at least gives us the disposition to make the crucial start to achieve that goal.

Why do people chase after their desires?

People go after unlimited desires simply because it is programmed within them to do so. Desires serve a very subtle but effective function and are essential to our development, our ability to create, to innovate and to grow. They are the key to our existence. We are programmed to chase unlimited desires because the achievement of every one of them demonstrates our potential, our capacity to make things happen, the ability to build our world and reinforce our self-belief. Remarkably, at the same time, we are evolving through the fulfilment of those desires, developing in awesome, new ways we never thought possible. As we evolve, the results of our actions ensures that we we desire new things as we mature and progress on our individual journey.

If we did not chase desires, or we just chased a few and stopped, we would not reach this technological stage of evolution that we now enjoy. We would have reached a plateau where nothing much would happen. We would stagnate as we lose sight of our purpose and potential. But the mere fact that we are never satisfied with life, that every fulfilment leads to even greater yearning is a clever ploy by God, Nature, the Universe or whatever, to ensure we continue to grow until the day we die; that we never rest on our laurels because we are always moving our own goalposts to new heights of excellence. Desires ensure we have no time to sit and stare, that we are always striving to develop our world and ourselves. Without desires, and the curiosity and yearning to achieve them, we would still be back in the dark ages as primitive beings, being satisfied with what we have without the motivation to do any different.

Desires make or break us. We cannot live without them because they shape us into whomever we wish to be and ultimately become. We gradually materialise into our dreams that are formed from desires. In turn, desires keep us on track, every step of the way, through chasing their fulfilment. A lack of desire means no motivation while we settle into a never changing rut, but chasing our desires mean we are always changing too.

The Real Value of Barack Obama's Presidential Bid

The first time I heard of this man he was touring Kenya, his ancestral village, and everyone there was gushing about him, treating him like a king returning home. This was late 2006. I had never heard of Barack Obama before, didn't realise he was an American senator, also didn't realise how few African-American senators there were, but was not at all surprised at the hero-worship back there.

Black people do not have too many wholesome heroes to inspire them. Many of the latter day heroes tend to come from the music field and what a dreadful example of drugs, drinks and rock and roll many of them are setting; not to mention the distasteful words in rap music which show little respect to women, and others, for that matter. Even when there is clear genius among us, we have a way of robbing it of its effect (Michael Jackson comes to mind?). I adore that man's music yet feel so disheartened at the way he has changed himself in such a sad way, detracting from the very talent we are trying to appreciate.

Starved of Black role models, many people despair of ever being reflected significantly while clinging to people like Oprah Winfrey and Oscar winners Denzel Washington and Halle Berry for some reflected glory. Minorities everywhere live vicariously through role models because of the absence of homegrown heroes, and Blacks in the UK are no different. In fact, when Colin Powell first became a general, one letter writer to the Voice newspaper noted drily that, "Had General Powell been in Britain he would have been Corporal Powell!"



No Inspiration for Black Teenagers
I have never forgotten that because it struck a chord of relevance and recognition which, 20 years down the line, is still resonating loudly with the invisibility of minorities in public positions of power and responsibility. There just aren't any to inspire the teenagers coming up; to reinforce their presence and value. Many of those in place are 'yes' people, beholden to the political party which put them there, securing their positions while being afraid to rock the boat, without backbones to be individual and to make that real difference, as they are gradually swallowed up by both the Establishment and the 'system' and lose their voice.

You can tell a lot about the government of a country in how they seek to unite the people and be representative of them. If the people associating with Britain's government and monarchy are anything to go by, the is an all-White country! You will not see a Black person of substance or expertise around the them in Britain, unless it is a bodyguard! Yet the Queen is the head of a multicultural Commonwealth and loves to boast about that when she visits them. Obviously charity does not reach as far as our home! This is very disappointing to me because, with Britain's history, and the way it trumpets regularly about justice and fairness, one would have thought it would have led the field in recognising diversity and its own multicultural population in more visible and tangible ways. As a staunch Briton, who love this country, I find that so sad.

That's why America has always had a special place for Black people everywhere because, through the relentless advance of our African-American brothers and sisters in all walks of public life, we too can live vicariously and pretend we have similar opportunities. Our successful African-American brothers and sisters allow us to dream, to imagine, to luxuriate in what is possible. We feel as though we share that success because it looks so easy, and we have so little. However, we have always acknowledged that the supreme position of president was always closed to everyone except White males. Not any more, it isn't. Thanks to one man who dared to dream, we can share that too in believing the sky is truly our limit.


Tremendous Self-Belief
The real value of Barack Obama lies not just in the possibility of him creating history on an unimagined scale. It actually lies in what he represents to Black people everywhere; the fulfilment of the impossible. As Nelson Mandela once echoed in a speech, by his fearless action and tremendous self-belief, Barack gives permission to all of us to dream too in a way which wouldn't be understood by a White person in any number of years, because they take success and status for granted. White role models are limitless, proliferating every minute of every day to become commonplace and taken for granted. When a White person says he'll be a millionaire by the time he is 30, that is almost a fact beyond dispute. There are too many millionaires around to suggest otherwise. When a Black person says it, we wonder from what basis. How are they going to do it with the lack of role models to inspire them and the lack of precedence to motivate them? A superhuman task. It then becomes an uphill struggle as they contend with self-doubt, the scepticism of their peers and the discriminatory practices around them.

However, regardless of whether he gets into the White House or not, the presence of Barack Obama in the American presidential race has already turned a new chapter for every African-American male by showing them their own worth and power. Barack has taken the baton from Colin Powell and is proving to them that the humblest person, without wealth or whiteness, can attain the highest office. And it must begin to do something positive to their thinking and aspirations. I do hope so.

The heartfelt words from this donor, a Navy veteran, which accompanied the $5 he sent to Barrack, says it all. It was his first ever donation and his daughter inspired him to send the money: He said, "Being an African American male, to have that positive role model in Senator Obama, it's given me so much hope. To be able to look at my daughter one day and tell her, 'You can be anything you want in the world' ... In the past I might have said, 'You could be anything you want to be. But president? No' ... But now, he's given me that light. Now, I can tell her, 'You really can be anything you want in the world.'"

Amen to that, sir – and Thank You!