Growing up in a different world: How do we teach values?

Teaching solid values which help to build character is very important in families. Values are the legacy of a good home and provide the basis of acceptable behaviour. They also decide the moral standards of a family, they give confidence in dealing with specific issues and situations and provide the essential link from one generation to another.

However, the teaching of values in any age or any society is not an easy one because of the fluid and questionable nature of the values themselves, and the ever changing demands in behaviour of each new age. A few years ago, values were universally based on religious Christian teachings. The bible was the foundation for the values we adopted, with a fear of God as the decisive element to ensure we kept to those values. Most values related to the individual and keeping his/her place harmoniously within the wider community. Religion also affected expectations and behaviour relating to marriage.

For example, a grandmother who would have been brought up in a very restrictive Britain, as far as women are concerned, would have been taught the values of behaving like a 'lady', not having sex before marriage, not having children out of wedlock and not daring to think of divorce because of the vows made and the loyalty to the husband and home which was expected. Try teaching such values to young women of today! Yet those values would have made the grandmother the confident, accomplished (or even fearful) woman that she is now. They would have dictated her perspectives on life, and her perceptions of it, and would have been the cornerstone of her development in a male dominated society.

Today our values are more social in form, technological rather than religious in application, more pragmatic to suit the moment and entirely concensual. Youngsters tend to match their peers in behaviour so as not to feel left out, adopting values which are likely to be at odds with the outmoded values of their parents. Therefore values can never be passed down without some modification and acceptance of change due to the transient nature of society, the constantly changing morals and behaviour, the innovatory nature of life itself, and the natural social experiment of the young to forge their own values to deal with new situations.

It means that in a 20 year span, values would have been greatly modified or completely replaced altogether because of the changing times. For example, I grew up believing that to steal from anyone, especially shops and work, was wrong. Yet a recent survey in the UK showed that 38% of the nation engage in petty theft , especially at work,of one kind or another daily. Such theft is no longer regarded as morally wrong but a kind of retribution for fleecing the customers. Many people have the reasoning that the shops rip off the customers in high prices so they have no regret stealing from them through actions like keeping change they were not entitled to, or wearing clothes they bought and returning them to the shops as faulty.

Teaching values are important for the confident development of the young, and to keep the generations connected to each other, but that teaching has to be flexible enough to recognise that yesterday's value is likely to have less relevance and are more likely to be today's amusing folk tales.

Is the British Royal Family Irrelevant?

A member of the Royal Family finally said something about the disappearance of little Madeleine McCann, a full 14 days after she disappeared. Members of this august family are not known for their pronouncements on the public stage, but it has been accepted that when there is a real tragedy, especially on a personal basis, we expect our Royal Family to give a lead, especially in compassion, care and appreciation of the situation. Despite that appalling tragedy for the family, and the incredible amount of attention it has drawn, it took Prince Andrew two weeks to say something, and it wasn't planned either. He departed from his set text in Scotland to be human. One could be cynical and say that, whatever else he was going to pronounce on at that event would not have had so much media coverage, so he made a wise decision!

The Royal Family is rapidly becoming an anachronism in today's classless world of high tech reactions, individual expressiveness and instant soundbites. The Queen still gives out medals and public honours based on the 'British Empire', yet where that empire exists these days is entirely beyond me. Paradoxically, she is head of a commonwealth which is highly multi-racial, yet there is not a single Black person in her entourage, no Black advisers and certainly no Black staff in her palace. Furthermore, this commonwealth is is weighed down under the oppressive symbolism of an unjust 'empire' that obstinately continues to take pride of place in our language, no matter how offensive it is to certain sections of the British community. There is no move to get rid of the archaic, divisive and racist symbolisms which divide her subjects, despite her important role in the commonwealth.


In the dark ages
The problem with the royal Family is that it has not changed with the times. Members are still trying to apply traditional, unequal ways of behaving to a situation which has long dispensed with tradition. Diana offered a golden chance of bringing the monarchy up to date with current expectations, but her demise meant that her sons offer the best hope of change. In a world where blog is king, there is no place for silence from our Royal Family anymore otherwise they rule themselves out of our rapidly advancing world simply by omission. That could explain why, except for the Queen, William and Harry, their popularity has dramatically declined and only a few people turn up to see them at events. We need a caring, expressive Royal family who is not just there for the tourists, but one who, through its own lead, will begin to justify the £10 million per year the public purse has to supply to keep them in the dark ages.

In its present form, the Royal Family is definitely irrelevant, having the trappings without the substance. As a strong Royalist who has no desire to see Britain become a republic, to me it would be nice to see a leading Family which is more in tune with our modern age, more approachable, more inclusive and far more appreciative of the benefits of technology to getting their own message across; one that is no longer guided by a colonial empire but reflecting a modern society based on respect for the individual, regardless of class, race, creed or birth.

A Light of Hope for Madeleine

A LIGHT FOR MADELEINE!



On Thursday 3 May 2007, little Madeleine McCann from the UK was taken from her bedroom, from her parents and her family while on holiday in the Algarve. As a mother myself, I am not sure what I would have done if my child suddenly vanished. It must be the most awful feeling of desolation and impotence, with not knowing being the hardest part. My heart goes out to Kate and Gerry McCann. I hope they find the courage to keep hoping for her return. This candle is my personal tribute and prayer for Madeleine to be found safely.
Love and Faith conquer all.

This candle will burn in hope until Madeliene is returned to her family. May she be protected from all harm by the ocean of love and prayers that surrounds her. Please feel free to leave comments of support. Thank You.

Why Prince William and Kate Were Right to Split

Prince William and Kate Middleton have called it a day. Of course, the media were quite unprepared for it and is in a state of shock. Whom else do they have to train their lens on now? Lean times are certainly ahead. There are also negative comments from disappointed members of the public besotted with the possibility of the proverbial fairy tale-ending. Cutting remarks about him being 'just like his father' and being 'selfish' and 'immature', as though this young man should be living his life just for the benefit of everyone else. William and Kate have done exactly the right thing for them, regardless of which sections of the media, or public soothsayers they have inconvenienced by not staying together till the longed-for coronation. In fact, by their sensible, though sad, action, they have shown that they are quite capable of looking after themself and making the appropriate decisions without too much fanfare. In fact, proving far more mature than some who are behaving otherwise.

For a start, potential partners come into our lives for any of four main reasons: To help us out of a crisis, to teach us something new, to boost our confidence and build us up to face the next stage of our journey, or to be the permanent spouse we seek. The trouble with many single people is that they are so keen to find such a person, they tend to believe every person they meet will be the BIG ONE, the permanent partner. They burden every meeting and relationship with that expectation and are then surprised when it doesn't work out. Instead of allowing the friendship to evolve in its own way, they expect a lot which is then not delivered and rapid disappointment follows.

Secondly, just because William is a Royal prince does not excuse him from the processes of love and from any break-ups that might ensue with any person he takes up with. Having been together for a while, which encouraged people to take them for granted and make assumptions, does not mean they would be permanent either. Nothing is certain when it comes to affairs of the heart, especially with the Royal Family which has already set a very bad precedence in the consistent failure of its relationships. At least this is not another marriage on the rocks. There is room for review and regrouping, if they wish that. Kate Middleton is a remarkable, loyal, warm and discreet individual who seems perfect for the job but any relationship has to be about two people's needs being fulfilled, not just one.


Steady Anchor of Stability
Though the couple might be close in age, by her behaviour it is clear that Kate is far more mature in herself and desires, and perhaps was ready for more stability and permanence, than William was prepared for. Perhaps Kate has been there for reasons 2 and 3, as a steady anchor for William, to teach him new things and to boost his confidence and maturity for the next important stage of his life, rather than be the next queen. Or, it could be that William needs time out to live in his own way, away from her, to actually appreciate her value, and his role, if he is to make the right decisions for his future. No one can do that for him. If he doesn't feel ready for any commitment, maintaining the relationship just for show, in order to please others or because he is Royal, will only lead to the same results that has been had before and much unhappiness all round.

William deserves to have the life he wants until he is ready to settle down, particularly with the demanding role ahead of him. He seems to be a very intelligent and caring person. It is so sad and meanspirited when this young man is being compared to his father every time he does something which does not suit the expectations of others. William is only 24 and needs to develop into his own person without being compared to his father in every action he takes. He needs room to breathe and has a lifetime ahead of him to be like his father! Just now, William wants to be like every other youngster: to have an enjoyable life and to sample its attractions while he is young before he settles into responsibilities.

This break perhaps merely reflects a different stage in the couple's friendship. After having time to themself at college, they probably found the reality of his position and responsibilities in the wider world a difficult period of adjustment, which they probably need time to appreciate and change direction. Kate Middleton might yet be the right woman for William, after a spell away from each other, and meeting other people. But only HE can find that out, in his own time, not well meaning others who like to use their narrow expectations to dictate what they think is best for him.

Does Obama's Audacity Carry Lessons for Britain?

A man speaking more than 3000 miles away moved and uplifted me today as a Black woman and gave me hope for the future. He was eloquent, passionate, good looking and fervent in his desire to make history; to show what could be achieved with simple belief and faith in one's ability. His team expected 1000 people to turn up to hear him announce his candidacy for the presidency of the most powerful country in the world, but 15,000 actually made the journey to be part of history, fired by what was possible. I was one of the first to subscribe to Senator Barack Obama's online campaign a few weeks ago, though I am not an American. But I share one thing with Mr Obama, the belief that anything is possible if we just believe it, have faith in it and act upon it. I believe in the power of thoughts to get us where we want to go and Obama has obviously been exercising his thoughts, big time!

As a Black woman in the UK, there are a lot of things I admire about America, though I wouldn't live there, as I love Britain too much. But America certainly has that quality of personal encouragement and the fulfilment of dreams. Being successful might cost you an arm and a leg in financial terms, but there are lots of fellow dreamers who are only too willing to help you to achieve that dream, living vicariously through you to taste their own success too. America's vastness, immense opportunity and huge diversity inspire one to greatness and Barack Obama, a virtual unknown, is the living embodiment of what is possible when the time is right, the belief is high and the stars come together.

Terror and Crime
Britain sadly lacks such dreams and success for Black people. We hear about British Blacks only in negative terms of terror and crime. No one from minority communities is positively highlighted regularly in the media, as they do with the members of the White majority, because very few minorities are in the media to give it an alternative view and to widen its appeal. But the media merely reflects the rest of British society in its negative treatment of those who are different. If you wish to see the true visibility of minorities in Britain, just cast your eyes around the entourage of the British Royal Family and that of the Prime Minister. The only face you might see which is Black will belong to the odd bodyguard. There will be few Black people of substance in these illustrious circles. But we are in the 21st century and minorities have been here for years. Yet, leadership at these heights, among people who are supposed to lead our Commonwealth, is crucial to unite the nation and to give a strong message of inclusion. A nation divided against itself cannot thrive in any way, it merely implodes from the inside.

Britons talk a lot about our multicultural society, but Black talent stays hidden in its own community, a victim of fear, prejudice, lack of opportunity and sheer exclusion, clothed in invisibility and neglect, while deviance is trumpeted as the only Black and Asian achievement worth noting in the public arena. We are about 25 years behind America in the way we treat our diverse communities, still a very long way from a Black Prime Minister. Is change really possible among such entrenched institutional racism? Perhaps not in my lifetime.

After all, in 2007, the Local Government Association (LGA), based in London and avidly promoted by Mayor Livingston's office, has all 31 of its most senior officers being White, despite having 39% of minority staff working for it! The magnitude of this situation seems to have been lost on the Mayor's diversity team if we can have such a discriminatory situation in place, and posing as normal! This authority (which boasts itself as being "The UK's top government body") represents and advises every council in the UK, councils which serve a multicultural society. Yet not one of its minority workers has been deemed suitable for its highest positions to reflect this diversity. What message of competence is the LGA giving out to talented minorities, despite its office being based in our most diverse capital?

My pessimism is borne out by that incredible example of exclusion. But, like Senator Obama, I audaciously live in hope. My love for the UK and its potential does not permit me to accept otherwise. It would be too depressing.

Next Vice-President?
Much as I would like Barack Obama to become the next President, I do not think that he will, on this round. I think he should be Hillary Clinton's running mate and what an unstoppable team they would be - his charisma with her experience, not to mention the differing gender, race and personal ethos which would add extra appeal. He would at least dent her conservatism while gaining the necessary training to succeed after her. We would also get three for the price of two as Bill Clinton, that great orator and action man, would be in the background too.

Good luck, my friend. I have few doubts that when you reach the White House, you will also have changed an awful lot of perceptions about what is possible right across the world. And, who knows, even Britain, and its own minorities, might learn something of value from your courage and audacity. Thank you for sharing your vision in such a definitive way.

Decide for yourself between the two rivals!"