Four Key Elements of the MySpace Age

The MySpace Age is indicative of the dramatic change in the world we have known, primarily in the way we now relate to one another. This age is characterised by the following: individual expression, technology, communication and connections.
1. The MySpace age is the age of the individual. An age where individual expression is paramount compared to the old age of collective information, suppressed information, information censored by authority and being denied access to it. Emphasis is now on personal profiles, extending one's reach globally to others, instead of just to our extended families, and sharing in a cultural enrichment of artistic, social and literary expressiveness. The blog is now king which gives everyone a voice. People have always wanted to be heard and now there is an instant personal comment and expression on every world event. The ubiquitous blog gauges world opinion through individual utterances, while giving the blogger authority, presence and significance.

2. Technology defines the MySpace age. Without it, we would still be back in old times, doing things in the limited traditional ways: being limited to our geographical, cultural and social boundaries and in both our imagination and creativity. Technology offers complete freedom of expression, in a new order and with new tools, which is sometimes frightening in its implications; one that is still feared by older people while being bewildering in its array of possibilities. Without technology the MySpace age would simply not be possible and its development carries with it the need for new mindsets, new ways of thinking and new ways of approaching the fascinating lives we now lead and accepting what is possible.

3. Communication is at the heart of the MySpace age: communicating with ourselves, with others and with our world, and with a new kind of urgency and voice. Everyone is encouraged to communicate through the use of technology, using all forms of the multimedia available, which is why sites like YouTube, Photobucket and Itunes dominate. There is the constant need to upload, download, make a video, blog and play music. These sites are witnesses to new and creative forms of expressiveness which bridge all social and cultural barriers.

4. Connections: friendships and connecting with others appear to be the raison d'etre of the MySpace age. We are all encouraged to make new friends across the globe, send out our pictures, our thoughts, fears and aspirations to share with everyone in our special circle of friendships, and to have them appreciated, validated and reinforced. If you are not connected to others you are not yet a part of the MySpace age; an age which leaves loneliness and isolation behind and offers a tantalising world of new experiences, new friendships and exciting new connections, well outside our own small and limiting localities and social and cultural boundaries.

FIVE KEYS TO GREATER HAPPINESS

We search for happiness each day, the elusive concept that takes a lifetime of exploring. We often think happiness comes through winning the lottery, through getting a big break, buying a house, a car, the latest fashionable item. But those provide only sporadic feelings of excitement. When the effects wear off, we are back to feeling gloomy, negative, downhearted or depressed. This is because happiness as a goal is not something we strive towards. It's not a tangible thing we can feel, nor is it something which comes to us when we work at it. That is why some of the poorest people are very happy because it is an indefinable quality we either have or we don't.

Happiness is a state of being. It is how we feel deep inside of us at any moment in time, not next year or tomorrow, but now, and each day after that. It does not depend on anything at all except the feeling about ourself to make us happy. Material things merely enhance it for a moment, but we give happiness life through 5 crucial things:
1. The love we feel for ourself.

2. The love we share with others

3. The gratitude we have for living and life itself. 

4. The contentment we feel in our abilities and achievement.

5. The self-belief we have that we can make things happen.

In a recent book, I feel Bad About My Neck, Nora Ephron, the writer, seems to regard the ageing neck with disgust. The gratitude for being alive with her unique neck, when many other people with 'beautiful' necks were very dead, was lost upon her. She still had LIFE. The majority of people in this world are unhappy simply because they do not like themselves. They spend their waking moments wishing they could be someone else, or they could change their nose, face, arms, body or hair. Many people loathe themselves. they hate to pass a mirror to see their reflection, dreading to hear themselves speak or to see themselves in a photo. They yearn for a perfect being to be represented in a perfect image, an unrealistic ideal which makes them feel continually inadequate. This means they can never be happy because two things emerge from their lack of self-love.


No Reinforcement or Affirmation

First, they cease to be appealing to others because no one can likes what they too reject. They might attract some people who have low esteem too, but as neither one is capable of offering positive support to the other, the attraction soon wanes because one person will either take too much or both will simply take from each other without giving anything back. Such a relationship will be short on reinforcement and affirmation and long on regrets and impossible expectations. So there will not be much of a love to share, mainly blame and discontentment. Unable to love themselves, they are unlikely to share love either because they cannot give away what they haven't got.

The second thing which will happen is that there will be little gratitude for anything in their life, or little contentment in themselves and their capabilities, because the focus will always be on what is missing and not what they are blessed with. There will be a constant desire for something else because of the basic dissatisfaction with themselves. Such people can never be satisfied. Everything will be perceived to be 'wrong' or 'not right'. The fact that they have life, limb, and faculties all working will be lost upon those who are unhappy with themselves. Happiness is never possible in such situations because if they cannot appreciate themselves it is difficult to appreciate and value others too.

In fact, when we are unhappy we are likely to put ourself down and readily believe that we are not as good as others; not up to standard and not as clever, etc. Somehow, no matter how beautiful and blessed we are, we lose confidence regarding our potential, so happiness consistently eludes us. Lacking the self-belief to get whatever we want, and to be whomever we wish, we waste our talents in anxiety and frustration, in wishing and yearning and in self deprecation. Often it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, one which is guaranteed to deny us the happiness we seek for a very long time.

Happiness is elusive only if we do not accept each day as given; only if we continue to seek what isn't really there while ignoring what is; only if we expect the worst; if we reject ourself and we take our world and loved ones for granted. Once we have those five qualities of loving, sharing, gratitude, contentment and self-belief, we won't ever have to seek happiness again because it would have settled quite snugly within us.

The Impact of New Technology With Old Mindsets

Technology has dictated the current pace and perspective of our lives with a dominant and unavoidable impact. When I look back to just 30 years ago to see the difference in lifestyle, knowledge and behaviour over those years, it is somewhat alarming to comprehend. For example, when I had my son in 1971, the amenities seemed positively primitive compared to those for having a child now, which are much more inclusive too, being designed to involve the whole family with the birthing process, instead of just the mother. The changes in the home, particularly in furnishings and lifestyle, are just remarkable to an older person like me and would have been phenomenal to my grandmother who had so little: no fast foods, no television, no freezer, no washing machine, no dishwasher, no phone, no electric light or oven, no microwave; all items considered essential now in order to maintain the current standard of living.

Back then, the only gay person I heard about in the UK, or came in contact with, was Quentin Crisp, through the TV drama of The Naked Civil Servant. Yes, gays were around, but they were regarded as oddities, people who were living against the teachings of the Bible. Open prejudice against them meant they were closeted, only a few were brave enough to admit it. Worse still, far fewer people in Britain are religious now and so the only times they see a church are when they cannot avoid the necessary social rituals. Yet, we still pretend that Christians are in the majority in an increasingly diverse society and clothe social behaviour in singular Christian ethics.

While all this change is going on, we are still demanding certain kinds of outmoded behaviour of people, paying homage to the nuclear family instead of acknowledging the relentless rise of single households; ignoring the fact that fewer and fewer people are getting married, while we try hard not to notice the increasing number of extramarital relations (and divorces) occurring by the minute. The latest survey reveals that at least 62 per cent of both men and women are being intimate with people other than their official partners. Yet we continue to treat such people as though they are in a minority, as though they are home-wreckers; pretending that only a few 'misguided and selfish' people would behave in such a manner, while still denying the increasing diversity of a developing society which is in anxious cultural transition. You only have to go on the Internet to see how many married people of both sexes are openly seeking new relationships with no intention of leaving their partners. Disguised as seeking 'fun' the eternal search goes on to find that elusive happiness.

Thanks to new technology, which has liberated people from their home location, there is now a self-righteous orgy of diminishing trust, betrayal and deceit in operation; one which is far removed from the much-vaunted Victorian values of family loyalty, commitment and selflessness. The mobile phone has become an indispensable item for illicit lovers, confirmed by a survey conducted for famous divorce lawyers, Mishcon de Reya. Thanks to the growth in the number of mobile phone and Internet users, adultery is taking on new life in a dramatic way and conducting illicit affairs has never been easier.

Technology is now dominating our lives, but in such a rapid transition, many people find it difficult to cope, while some are stuck in old traditional mindsets which rob them of their capacity to appreciate just what is happening in their world or to benefit from it in ways which would be life enhancing., birth

Three Reasons Why David Milliband's 'Radical New Phase' Won't Help Britain's Labour Party

David Milliband, the British Foreign Secretary, has raised a lot of eyebrows in both the Guardian and the Times with an unexpected article about his vision for Labour to beat the odds for a fourth term in government. His detailed statement suggesting that the Party needs a 'radical new phase' has been interpreted both as a challenge to Gordon Brown's leadership and an implied criticism of it. I would say that anyone who does not mention his current leader even once in his article, who does not praise him in any way and studiously sets out his own vision and stall regarding the country, is touting for leadership. David Milliband might not openly wish to draw attention as a future Prime Minister, but he is certainly making it known that he is considering it. Most important, that he would also be suitable for it and already has the ideas in place to effect it.

According to Milliband, "When people hear exaggerated claims either about failure or success, then they switch off." I would suggest that people began switching off a long time ago. It has little to do with any 'exaggerated claims' and much more to do with the first reason:

Reason 1: That people naturally switch off when a government has been too long in power.
Voters are very fickle. In any democracy people like change. No matter how great a political party, after three terms, they have simply had enough, especially when things are not going too well. It has always been difficult historically for any government to get beyond three terms. That seems to be the tolerance threshold for the average voter. They want something to motivate them into the ballot box and it certainly isn't more of the same.

We hear this plaintive cry all the time from fading governments, that the people need to know about the achievements with less emphasis on the failures. However, governments and voters are like married couples. When they are dating (just voted in or being courted in an election), the only thing that matters are those successes and visions. Everything is rosy in the garden and people genuinely listen to what is going on and reinforce the Party's actions and aspirations. They will accept the posturing, the promises and the policies. Once the policies begin to hurt and the relationship appears to be dragging on, the failures loom into view to obscure all past glories. It doesn't matter how great those successes were, and how tiny the failures, once the relationship begins to hit the rocks, everything goes with it. Worst still, as in any impending divorce, those failures are likely to be magnified to justify the split!

Milliband also believes that Labour needs to find "a way to win the argument about our record, our vision for the future and how we achieve it". But the second reason scuppers that idea too.

Reason 2: One cannot win arguments in a fading relationship because at least one party would have stopped listening.
In this case, it would be the voters. The people have already experienced that record and the effects of that vision. That's why they would like to try something new. In politics, one doesn't get lots of chances to prove the same thing over and over, especially coming from the same mindsets. Like any political party with set principles, there is a limit to how that basic 'vision' can be reworked without straying from those original ethics and beliefs. Sooner or later, it will just feel like going around in the same tight circle of dogma. Thus the voters may give two, or three, chances, if they are broadly happy and feeling generous, but British Governments do not get a fourth, primarily for the third reason - the effects of personal perception.

Reason 3: Voters have this Utopian perception that governments are in charge of what happens in their lives.
It might be far from the reality but precisely because governments are seen to have such power over individual progress and quality of life is why they are readily voted in. It follows logically that when voters perceive their lives to be worsened under a government in power, they will blame that government for it. One always needs a scapegoat. Labour is presiding over an unpopular war it allowed Britain to be dragged into, a worrying recession, fears about personal security through terrorism and escalating knife crimes, the negative effects of conflicting cultures on the community, and a Prime Minister who is being constantly compared to what went before him and is obviously found wanting. Put all those together with the general change sweeping the rest of the world and the fact that the Government is at the end of three terms already, and that's a powder keg designed to propel the incumbents from office.

Quite simply, it does not take much reading of the crystal ball or tea leaves to see that, as night follows day, Labour will lose the next election, no matter who is going to lead them. As charismatic as Milliband is, he is no Obama. He is pretty lightweight compared to America's 'Messiah'. It would be more prudent for him to wait another few years then weigh in because Labour has had their time for now. They've had their chips and their moment. The people already have a negative perception of them based on their record . No new vision will change the status quo because Labour is hampered by its own history and principles.

The real tragedy here is that the Tories will be no better at solving the country's ills. A party whose Shadow Cabinet is almost entirely White males, the sum representation of a diverse society, does not exactly fill one with confidence, fairness and proactive inclusion. If anything, Britain could be radically pushed to the Right in a pretty reactionary way if the Tories are voted back in. But the people desire change, and change they will have, just like the change sweeping America. The Tories are the only genuine alternative the people perceive and there is very little that Labour can do about that perception now, short of something miraculous and entirely unexpected from Gordon Brown in the next few months!

How to tell if you're successful in life

Being successful in life purely depends on your values. Anything that reinforces, maintains and enhances those values to affirm who you are tells you how successful you are. Your success is not defined by the rest of the world but by you. For example, you could be very rich as a public mark of success, but if you took vows which rejected money (like nuns), or money was not a priority for you, no amount of wealth would make you feel successful. It would take something else which aligns with your personal values and desires to give you that feeling of true success.

For some people like me, just waking up each day in good health is the greatest mark of success because everything else flows from life and health. But genuine success tends to come from anything we desire, anything we have worked hard for, have been determined to get, with the hunger and perseverance to match. When it is realised, especially if it has taken a long time and vindicated our belief, success feels all the more sweeter because of that.

Success is not measured on the yardstick of others, but on what matters to us, whatever gives us a challenge and makes us feel worthy. So you can tell if you're successful in life when you feel really happy in that life, no matter what you possess. When you feel a sense of calm, serenity, peace and fulfilment, and with a great sense of joy and purpose, regardless of what you are doing and have achieved, you truly are successful.

How do YOU measure success?

If I Could Change the World

1. I would create Love Academies where people are taught how to love themselves and others unconditionally. Love is the greatest force for good in our world and there is not nearly enough to go round just now. Most of our problems occur because of that lack of love, either for ourselves or for others. Many people don't know how to love, how to engage others into their orbit or how to be more appreciative of themselves. In these Love Academies everyone would learn the principles of love, great ways to love themselves, key ways to encourage the best from others and how to improve their interactive skills to bridge cultural barriers, to engender greater understanding, to be far more expressive about their needs and to feel pride and self-esteem in their person, culture and identity.

Once people have more love, hopefully, they will start looking outward instead of just for themselves. They would be encouraged to use that new positive perception to help others who are less fortunate. There would be no wars and much more dialogue. On a personal level, everyone would have to help and assist just ONE more person in their orbit. In that way, we would gradually eradicate poverty, suffering and misunderstandings without any one individual or group having to take those burdens on their shoulder.

For example, I might teach my neighbour to read, and that neighbour would teach her friend to type and that friend would teach someone else a skill, on and on in a productive chain. This would prevent only a few people having to carry the burden of change, yet nothing being too onerous for each person to do. In that way, every person can make a small difference which leads to massive global changes.

2. Everyone would have to start and end their day with a compliment to someone, a praise, a kind word, and genuine warmth; an appreciation for something they have done. Many people go through life never hearing anything positive, yet being criticised, undervalued and unappreciated instead. It would make a lot more people feel inclusive, it would remove the emphasis from our 'me' culture and place the focus outwards and it would empower an awful lot of people who enjoy little recognition just now. In that way, there would be more good works done as people feel inspired to behave differently.

Everything flows out of love and appreciation of others, and whatever we are blessed with. Make love, appreciation and respect, the foundation of life and everything else will slowly, but surely, fall into place - something like I am personally enjoying now, and it's awesome.

How would YOU change the world? :o)

Is Your Country Turning Into a Fascist State? (Quiz)

In these security-conscious times, it is easy to erode personal freedoms, to rob people of their dignity and respect and to forget basic human rights in trying to get results. How is your country dealing with terrorism or global challenges, particularly in their reactions? Is it a kind of knee-jerk, cavalier response, or a sensitive, well thought-out and caring one that does not treat everyone as a criminal?

I posed this question in another article and asked American readers to rate each of the 14 Fascist Signs from an American perspective. These "Early Warning Signs of Fascism" were developed by Lawrence Britt and quoted in Fascism Anyone? . I have also rated America, and my own country, Britain, using my perception, on each of the Signs to see the comparison. The results follow the Score Key at the end.

Why don't you try the quiz below, after you have read the article (which gives some prompt questions to help your decisions)? What's your sincere opinion, or that of your friends and family? How does your perception compare to mine or others? This should generate a lot of debate!

FASCISM Test

Which country are you comparing?

Country:

How democratic is your country, or is it leaning towards Fascism?

How do you personally feel about your freedoms?

Use these warning signs to find out!

For each of the Fascist Signs listed below, select a reply that, in your opinion, DEFINITELY applies to it.

In my country there is:

1. Powerful and continuing nationalism.

Yes, all the time.
Very often.
Quite noticeable.
Sometimes.
Odd occasions.
Hardly - wishful thinking!
Not at all.



2. Disdain for human rights.

Yes, all the time.
Very often.
Quite noticeable.
Sometimes.
Odd occasions.
Hardly - wishful thinking!
Not at all.



3. Identification of enemies as a unifying cause.

Yes, all the time.
Very often.
Quite noticeable.
Sometimes.
Odd occasions.
Hardly - wishful thinking!
Not at all.



4. Supremacy of the military.

Yes, all the time.
Very often.
Quite noticeable.
Sometimes.
Odd occasions.
Hardly - wishful thinking!
Not at all.



5. Rampant sexism.

Yes, all the time.
Very often.
Quite noticeable.
Sometimes.
Odd occasions.
Hardly - wishful thinking!
Not at all.



6. Controlled mass media.

Yes, all the time.
Very often.
Quite noticeable.
Sometimes.
Odd occasions.
Hardly - wishful thinking!
Not at all.



7. Obsession with national security.

Yes, all the time.
Very often.
Quite noticeable.
Sometimes.
Odd occasions.
Hardly - wishful thinking!
Not at all.



8. Religion and government intertwined.

Yes, all the time.
Very often.
Quite noticeable.
Sometimes.
Odd occasions.
Hardly - wishful thinking!
Not at all.



9. Corporate power protected.

Yes, all the time.
Very often.
Quite noticeable.
Sometimes.
Odd occasions.
Hardly - wishful thinking!
Not at all.



10. Labor power suppressed.

Yes, all the time.
Very often.
Quite noticeable.
Sometimes.
Odd occasions.
Hardly - wishful thinking!
Not at all.



11. Disdain for intellectuals and the arts.

Yes, all the time.
Very often.
Quite noticeable.
Sometimes.
Odd occasions.
Hardly - wishful thinking!
Not at all.



12. Obsession with crime and punishment.

Yes, all the time.
Very often.
Quite noticeable.
Sometimes.
Odd occasions.
Hardly - wishful thinking!
Not at all.



13. Rampant cronyism and corruption.

Yes, all the time.
Very often.
Quite noticeable.
Sometimes.
Odd occasions.
Hardly - wishful thinking!
Not at all.



14. Fraudulent elections.

Yes, all the time.
Very often.
Quite noticeable.
Sometimes.
Odd occasions.
Hardly - wishful thinking!
Not at all.

Thank you for completing this quiz.

To help our research, you can send your score to us by pressing the EMAIL ME button after your result.

After scoring, see the SCORE KEY below to see what the result means for your country. Please note: this is a fun quiz with a serious message.

SCORE KEY (Not designed to be scientific!!)

85-98: No doubt about it - a Fascist state.
71-84: Nearly there!
55-70: Some worrying concerns.

41-54: Healthy regime
27-40: Great government
12-26: No chance of Fascism here!

(My Scores: UK=47, USA=81)

The Dilemma of Being a Teenager Today

Teenagers in today's society have, to a great degree, the best and the worst of all worlds.

First, they are born into a society that couldn't be more revolutionary and innovative. They have all these gadgets at their disposal that their parents dreamt of and their grandparents couldn't even imagine. They have an incredible amount of information to aid their development. They also have opportunities galore to express themselves, to extend their reach, to discover their potential and to enhance their life quality. They would not be able to imagine what my world was like, 50 years ago, having to read by candles, having no phones at all, having nothing electrical and hardly any buses (we had to walk everywhere!). The mobile, the microwave, the video and Internet appear to represent an alien world I would not have believed capable of existing in my early childhood. So our youngsters couldn't be more fortunate.

However, they are having to learn even more than we had to do. There are so many things expected of them that they have to cope with, AND teach their parents as well, it must be kind of heavy to deal with, when all they want is to be looked after themselves. Many are confused about their identity, their ability, potential and direction. They have little guidance on innovations and, on top of that, many are kept back in their own development because of their parents' fear of this new world; the mental barriers the parents might have erected in their bid to cope with a new and threatening environment; one that has partially robbed them of their confidence and authority.

Finally, teenagers are increasingly operating within a world of their own through technology, especially with the new games, often lacking human warmth and comfort. They occupy a suspicious world where hugs and basic affection come with questions, doubts and caution. Many of them go through each day missing out on a simple cuddle, a word of praise, a hug, an affirmation of how wonderful they are and without understanding, affection and value. Without the extended family of friends and neighbours who used to affirm us and look after us, many youth now feel isolated, excluded and unloved. This increases the deviant tendency among them as many struggle to deal with their anger and pain. Teenagers live in a remarkable world compared to the one of yesteryear, but one which is slowly losing social connections while it traps the young in an oasis of insularity and virtual reality

Are people inherently good?

Yes, people are inherently good because they are programmed to react to love, the greatest influential force in their lives. They seek love, desire it, need it and lavish it on others because love connects them to others. When it is missing from their lives the effects can be catastrophic. Babies know no evil. It is the way they are brought up, the way they are valued, the way they are treated and the respect they get which turn those young toddlers from feel-good worthy children to angry, resentful deviants.

People simply react to how they are treated. The way they are valued dictates how they perceive themselves and their world and then they react accordingly. If it is a negative perception, then there will be the behaviour to match. Even the hardest hearted person will melt with kindness and love than with anything else. If they are greeted with criticism or rejection instead, they begin to question their worth, they lose stake in their environment and community and become unfeeling monsters, in some cases, wanting only to hurt and destroy. There is always a connection between a person's experience, especially in childhood, and how he/she comes to see the world they are in. They will either welcome their life and opportunities and make the most of them, or go off the rails to be vengeful or to get attention.

One of the most subtle things which change the nature of people are expectations. Many good people change over time trying to conform to expectations while others who were likely to be deviant have actually improved their lives because of the faith and trust placed in them and high expectations of them. So people are inherently good and, if we expect them to behave in a positive manner, we are likely to get that reaction than if we assume the worst of them, yet expect them to be behave differently. So long as they are loved, appreciated and valued, we will always get the best from them.

The cult of celebrity and its effects on society

The cult of celebrity has risen in importance at the same time that belief in God, or a higher being has been waning, and television has become more dominant. People have a natural instinct to look to someone for reflection, affirmation and authority: whether a hero, mentor, protector or higher power, and what makes celebrities popular at the moment is exactly what they symbolise and represent, that 'higher' being, with many people turning away from religion.

Celebrities tap into our need to be significant and they realise our dream of freedom, riches and fame - a potent lifestyle combination which many people crave, especially younger ones on the threshold of life. Celebrities these days, especially those emerging from reality shows like American Idol, are usually ordinary people plucked from obscurity to be famous, and that gives many others hope that something similar may happen to them. Now with the Internet and television running a constant stream of celebrity images, news and gossip, people are bombarded daily with a lifestyle many aspire to. The net effect has been a dramatic shift in society regarding values, priorities and aspirations.

Our values are changing in that many people are no longer famous for doing something regarded as ethically and socially beneficial. Many celebrities, like Paris Hilton, are famous simply for having a wealthy background and being famous, while others, like Amy Winehouse, Britney Spears, are famous for being bad. Naturally, because there is no real substance to their fame, they tend to be boring individuals whose looks and background become the currency for attention, but are equally transient because they lack depth or are trashing their lives. Our priorities are also changing in how we view one another because anything to do with celebrities tend to take centre stage. Celebrities are the hallmarks by which everything else is judged and they set the tone and standard for fashion and behaviour. Nothing guarantees an audience like having a celebrity involved. Thus the cult of celebrity is dominating all aspects of life, especially when it comes to media attention and establishing social priorities.

Finally, society's aspirations are changing, primarily for occupations, where the more glamorous jobs are now sought after, especially media related, as many youngsters seek their own 15 minutes of fame to emulate their heroes. That explains the glut of reality shows on television at the moment as people seek personal exposure to be significant even for a few minutes. Wth celebrities so accessible, their presence makes everything seem possible. There is no doubt that the cult of celebrity is changing society beyond recognition, especially when technology is helping to boost that adoration and worship. But, like any fashion or fad, no doubt it will be replaced by something else when its current appeal has faded.