Do you always say "yes" when you really want to say "no"?

The two main reasons why we might say 'yes' when we want to say 'no' are a lack of confidence and a desire for approval.

When we lack confidence we are deprived of the willpower to be assertive, to be consistent and to actually seek what we want because we fear the consequences of what saying 'no' might bring. We are not strong enough to stand up or our own rights and so allow others to dictate the pace. We also lack the skills to deal with someone who might be more socially adept, or someone we fear, we respect and admire or who have influence over us, so we are more willing to say 'yes' for a quiet life. That might please other people, but it is likely to leave us feeling frustrated and dissatisfied with our lives. While saying 'yes' might make someone else happy, if we are yearning to say no, we do ourselves no service and engender a lot of stress and confusion in the process.

The second reason, a desire for approval, stems from being in controlling environments: either with parents, spouses and even bosses. Wherever there is control, there is a desire to please through fear, isolation and repression. As we are likely to be expected to do as we are told, the only way we can feel included and valued is by pleasing the significant others around us. That might work for that particular moment in time, or that situation, but it really keeps us feeling inadequate and unhappy with ourselves and makes us even less empowered each time we go against our own needs and desires.

Only by facing the consequences of our actions can we then say what we mean and stick by it. However, the more we seek approval by simply pleasing others the less fulfilled we will feel and the more frustrating life will appear to be. Most important, we soon lose our own integrity because it is difficult to be honest when we are not even being honest with ourselves.